miércoles, 5 de diciembre de 2007

Siempre he sido un arrastrado de mierda. En serio, tio.
Lo peor de todo es que tú siempre me has avisado
"Oye, colega, tú vida es una puta mierda. Eres un jodido esclavo. Haz algo. Suéltate. Escupe todas esas flemas de odio que llevas dentro. Rompe tus cadenas."

Pero no es tan fácil como suena, tio. Para nada. ¿No te das cuenta, tio? Es lo más díficil de esta puñetera vida. ¿Y sabes por qué? ¿Lo sabes? Bueno. Sí, sí lo sabes. Tú eras el que siempre me lo decías. Claro que lo sabes. Y yo me acabo de enterar.
Me acabo de enterar de que la comodidad es una hija de la gran putísima. Menudo zorrón, tio. Ésa es la que ha consumido mi vida. La mía y la de otra tantísima gente. También la vida de ese/a cotilla que ahora está leyendo esto que no le incumbe.

La comodidad. Se intenta instalar en tu vida. Te llama. Te dice "yo soy lo que tú necesitas. Serás feliz. Y libre. Te ahorrarás muchos problemas. Vamos. Acéptame. ¡Acógeme!"
Te tortura psicológicamente, tio. E inconscientemente, la acoges, sin pensar ningún puto segundo en otra opción. Te la llevas contigo.
Como hice yo.
Tio. Sé lo que estarás pensando "Menudo imbécil, le avisé, se lo decía todos los días, hostia, y ahora mírale, lloriqueando" Y tienes razón.


Mi vida era perfecta, tio.
Una casa de 120 metros cuadrados. Piscina. Jardín. Parque. Televisión de pantalla plana. Un frigorífico último modelo, atiborrado de "comida". Una cama grandísima con un colchón viscolatex. Una asistente que me hacía la comida y me limpiaba todo resto, por mínimo que fuera, de polvo. Dos cuartos de baño para mi solito. Un llacusi. Un armario lleno de "ropa". Y "ropa" de la mejor calidad. No te creas, ¡eh! La más cara. Bueno... y un montón de cosas más.
Y vivía solo. Solito. Todo pa' mi.
Tio, también tenía un trabajo. Y, bueno, no estaba nada mal. Era articulista en un periódico de mediana importancia. 1.205,55 €. Joder, tio, es un sueldo "importante". No está nada mal. Bueno y me jefe... no se... a ti nunca te agradó, llegabas a decirme que le quemará su lujoso BMW, que le dejará heces en la mesa de su despacho... y no se cuántas locuras más; pero... no se tio... a mí no me caía mal. No muy mal. No tanto. Él formaba parte de toda esa comodidad en la cual siempre he estado acomodado.
Y, bueno tio, tenía bastante tiempo libre. Ya ves. Podía ir al cine. Al teatro. Incluso a la ópera si no había derrochado mucho en ese mes. Podía ir al bingo. Al parque de atracciones. Podía jugar largas horas a la Pley esteison. Bueno... y un montón de cosas más. Ya te digo.

Era feliz. Y libre.

Y ahora es cuando me doy cuenta de que ése es el problema, joder. Tio, no te escuchaba y no te hacía caso porque la "comodidad y la felicidad civilizada" me habían corroido por dentro.

A tomar por culo. Todo a la mierda.
Duele mucho el echar la vista atrás y darte cuenta de que has estado muerto durante tantos años. Ver que todo ha sido rutina y comodidad. Insignificancia. Perfección... Duele mucho saber que, tal vez, ya sea muy tarde para resucitar. Los milagros no existen. O eso es lo que dicen, tio.

Un arrastrado de mierda. Éso es lo que soy. Y me doy cuenta ahora.
¿Y ahora qué cojones hago? ¿Puedo acaso hacer algo?

No se si volarme los jodidos sesos o si volárselos a todos esos hijos de puta, cómplices de mi comodidad. De mi muerte.
No se que hacer, tio.

Ahora ya estoy perdido y desamparado.
Y he renunciado a mi trabajo. Y a mi lujosa casa. A mi vida cómoda y perfecta, y rutinaria e insignifcante. Ya no tengo nada que perder.
Ahora, si te digo la verdad tio, no tengo objetivos claros ni se cuál es el siguiente jodido paso. Aunque si te sigo diciendo la verdad, eso ahora mismo tampoco es que me importe mucho.
Ahora siento una mezcla de melancolía y alegría.
Ahora, a pesar de todo, estoy feliz por haber abierto los ojos. Tarde pero bueno... Mejor tarde que nunca. O eso es lo que dicen, tio.


Lo he perdido todo. Todo.
Y es por éso por lo que ahora es cuando me siento realmente LIBRE.

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